Struggling to Digest

Two and a half years back who knew we were going to become Portsmouth locals. Koa was just seven months old when we made the big move down to the south of England. I remember the day Koa and I drove that long journey to the sunny south to meet Kyle at the new place we would temporarily call home. Oakley was in the boot and the moving truck not too far behind us. We found a nice cosy four bed house to settle in near the harbour of Langstone. Not only did we have a town centre with the convenient food shops, clothing shops, coffee shops, and our doctors, but we also had beautiful nature walk for Oakley just right outside on our doorstep. Not to mention the seaside and the train station not far away either. It was the perfect place for us as a young family to start our new journey.

Portsmouth is where Kyle and I have lived together the longest as a couple. It became a place where we had nobody to lean on but each other. It was just him and me, me and him. Where I began to become his biggest fan and his worst nightmare. Where we became each other’s teachers and competitors. It’s where we nearly fell apart, fell back together, fell apart again and then stronger back together. Where we learned how to be patient, how to communicate, and how to work as one. It was where we began our journey of parenting.

Portsmouth is where Koa-Rae showed us her superhuman trait.
Where she taught us how to fight for what we thought was right. It is where she opened the pathway for us to start our vegan journey as a family. img_0704Where she introduced us to acupuncture and craniosacral therapy, showing us a whole new world of healing. It is where she started laughing, walking, dancing, and signing all for the fist time. Where she taught us to put our ego aside and let go of the things we cannot control. Where she showed us that there are people out there who do actually do things with love. Where she has touched other people’s lives, as well as letting those special people touch ours. It is where she started her journey as a big sister.

Portsmouth is where Knixon entered our life. Where my journey of becoming a mother of two had begun. It is where she taught me to always go with my motherly instinct. Where she went from a baby to a toddler in less than 7 months. It is where she crawled, walked, ran, laughed, jumped, babbled, kissed, smiled, and signed all for the first time. It is where she became the little sister with the big personality.


Portsmouth is where we had a handful of strangers turn into friends. Where we were known on a first name basis by the ladies in Waitrose. Tesco. Southsea Coffee Co., the baristas at Starbucks and even Walter, the sweet man who washes our car. It is where Kyle’s football mates became more like soul mates. Where these soul mates came into our lives and then in the blink of an eye they were gone again.

It was where we all started to become comfortable enough to build relationships.

“The only thing constant in this world is change.” – India Arie

We are making the move to Bristol and for some reason it has been extremely hard for me to digest. It is only when you become a parent you begin to realise that the most amazing souls that will cross paths into your life are not only the ones who touch your heart, but those who have touched your child’s heart as well. Koa-Rae’s acupuncture therapist who believed in her and saw the little light inside of her that just needed a bit of nurturing and igniting. Her Portage Supporter who was the very first person ever to build a relationship where Koa has been excited to see walk through our door and gave Koa the confidence to trust outsiders. Last but not least, Koa’s nursery teacher who was the one that gave me the confidence to trust outsiders; who has taken Koa under her wing and saw the god in her. These are the most beautiful souls I have ever met and I call them Koa’s Angels. It is hard for me to digest the thought of not ever seeing these people again. Even though the reason we had met was because of their occupation, we had built a relationship based on the amount of love that is shared with Koa-Rae. It has been hard for me to digest that we going to be leaving those who have made a massive impact on our life as a family.

I, inevitably, had a mini break down when I had a full week of telling these amazing souls that we were moving on. As an adventure seeker myself, why was I finding myself in tears with the thought of moving again. Why was I so caught up? It was the thought of Koa not having a voice and us making her give up these relationships she had made. The fear of not being able to find people who will share the same amount of love like these do. I was having trouble with the thought of taking away what might possibly have been the best for her.  However, it was when Kyle offered me the option to stay in Portsmouth with the girls, and he was willing to travel, that it hit me like a bag of bricks.

The world hates change, yet it is the only thing that has brought progress. – Charles Kettering

It’s when you have a child like Koa-Rae you cannot help but watch how she attracts the most beautiful souls. Not everyone connects with her, not everyone understands her, not everyone has the patience to find out what makes her smile but this is how she is able to attract those beautiful people. We are so grateful for her angel’s here at Portsmouth for helping us get on our feet and give us the confidence and the knowledge to prepare us for our new journey in Bristol. If there isn’t change, we aren’t able to grow. If we don’t grow, then we aren’t really living.

As we close our chapter here in Portsmouth we are still finding ourselves exploring new places we haven’t even seen in this amazing city. We are embracing everyday here with the people we have made relationships with and visiting our favorite spots, however we are now making the move to Bristol with open minds and open hearts. It will be inspiring to see how the girls adapt to this change. How they start to develop new relationships with new people. It will be exciting to see where their minds will take them when they start to explore new places. We are excited to see who steps into our pathway, what lessons will be taught and what accomplishments will be met. Most importantly we are excited to be on the sidelines again cheering on our favorite football player, our hero, Kyle Bennett. Here is to embracing this new experiences and trusting the magic of new beginnings.


I will leave you with a poem written by a football mate that turned into one of my soul mates:

written by Jade Samuel


Squeal, Sign, Mumble,

The Bennett Babes


8 thoughts on “Struggling to Digest

  1. Bristol are gaining a family with beautiful souls! As a West Country girl myself I know you will love it down there. I wish we could have caught up more since the birth of Knixon. Good luck with the move xxx


  2. Written from your heart with all your wisdom 💫 you will love Bristol like you do Portsmouth 🙏🏻 Good luck with the move.
    Lots of Love xx


  3. Hi, I didn’t get the chance to say goodbye and wish you luck… so I do that now… it was lovely to have met you and your adorable two babies… will miss you on matchdays. Enjoy building new memories in Bristol. X Michelle PFC


    • Hiii Michelle! Ah I know it just happened and before we knew it, that was our last game we were going to go to … thank you for all your help in that room. We loved you! I think all the ladies and the kids loved you. We still have those toys to give to that room because some of those you have need to be binned. Haha. Will try and get Kyle to contact Ashleigh. Thank you for everything you do, take care Michelle. Xx


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s